• Stephen

Bidet's - A Kevin Murray Thought

I don’t feel like we have been told the truth; we’ve been force-fed a narrative, manufactured and curated by the Fruit of the Loom industrial complex. The Hanes family has convinced us that we need to wear underwear and it’s a lie. Look at us, we are strong and capable, capable of wiping our tail-feathers and not soiling our dungarees. This lie has reduced our capacity for self-love as we’ve been taught to believe that we need to multiple layers of fabric to separate the world from our “disgusting and toxic” genitals. I haven’t worn underwear for 2 years and I feel Frederick-Douglas-levels-of-liberation at least my genitals do, they have revolted against the shackles of their denim-oppressors, so maybe Nat Turner would be a better descriptor. My dick is Nat Turner and my balls are John Brown and Horace Greeley white apologists who help the movement and power of my dick via their efforts and finances. Right now, there’s only a thin layer of denim separating y’all from my executive summary, that’s what I call my genitals, they call me MBA Young Boy, we outchea.

Ladies on the other hand definitely need underwear; there is no doubt about it. Women have an entire ecosystem down there, it’s like a regenerating flesh wound. It amazes me that you walk around with a gaping hole that leads directly to your heart and checking account, if you get deep enough in there, you can even see pin numbers.

I do feel obligated to disclose that I do have a bidet which contributes to the overall cleanliness of my asshole, miss me with the, “damn Kevin, you fancy” shit. That old, dusty retort of, “What if I can’t afford a bidet” to you I say, everyone can afford a bidet, your bidet is within just like the kingdom of God. Or an affordable one is within your internet at Tushyme.com or just rely on the fact that every bathroom has a bidet if you’re willing to sit up on a sink. Stay chiseled and stay with some Palo Santo in the bathroom.


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