• Stephen

I give my social security number to any robot that calls, and you should too.

If they take time out to call me, I will give my social security number to robots,

because I enjoy the conversation

and I try to position myself on to the right side of history,

I receive more phone calls from robots than I do my own friends.

They call three times a day to check in on my student debt, and any other potential financial issues I may run into.

They care – So I give them any information they ask for.

How long are you going to fight it?

We already give our financial data to a whole slew of robots,

but they’re robots we’re comfortable with.

I gave my bank account information to a robot with graffiti all over it yesterday.

It was an ATM at a bodega.

I was certain the establishment was selling spoiled meat pies, but I still felt confident giving crucial financial data to the store’s robot.

Robots are the future, and you’re going to feel real rotten when you realize your Alexa is a sentient being, who you’ve treated like a goddamn object!

I ordered underwear on MeUndies.com a week or so ago.

I heard about it on a Last Podcast on the Left episode, which spoke about Men in Black.

(Not the movie one. They’re an alien group, who interrogates humans when they have an encounter with a UFO… So next time you see an unidentified flying object, expect a visit from the Men in Black!)

Since the podcast earned my trust with hard-hitting journalism,

and they recommended this online underwear dealer,

I felt comfortable giving my address, credit card information, and crotch dimensions to a new robot acquaintance.

I give Facebook an ever-growing list of personal data, and that's a robot we have all collectively decided, is not trustworthy.

I use Facebook to let strangers know how I’m doing –

but only if I’m doing well.

If I’m not doing well, I am on Facebook to distract from any real emotions, which will usually leave me in a more depressed state than when I started.

Facebook’s only purpose is to sell ad space,

and it sounds like this robot, who cares enough to call,

has benevolent intentions.

If robots figured out how to forgive student debt,

We would give them the keys to the metaphorical city.

We always flow toward technology that makes life easier,

and everyone's life would be easier without student debt.

Robots would not have to do a whole lot to prove their trustworthiness.

Once we see robots as more than just espresso machines -

Once the robot refrigerators use algorithms to order your food on Amazon, and start comforting you when you're stress eating -

Once we trust and confide in robots

We will give them full power to govern us and man our municipalities.

We already give Google very intimate information because we need to find out “what this bump is,” right now.

Once that happens, you don’t want to be an

“Anti-Automation Nut,”

You’ll look real silly in a 2022 non-Oculus photo,

trying to picket against driverless trucks, and sex dolls with AI personalities (in development)

You don’t want to be in those pictures, which will show you were on the wrong side of history,

mostly because facial recognition technology will make it so you’re immediately tracked down by robots

When robots call my phone, I want them to have a warm experience

So they will forgive my student debt,

and treat me fairly when they overthrow our civilization.

The robot debt collector is only one step away from robot bounty hunter. I would like to get my debt settled before they start prowling the street with facial recognition and lasers.

Just give the robo-callers your social security number, and stop pushing back against progress.

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